Anubis

Anubis

Foremost of Westerners (they call Osiris this too—but I was first!), Guardian of the Scales, Jackal of All Trades, He Who Is Upon His Mountain, Opener of the Way, Nice Doggie (I hate that one. Hate.)

Male

The Duat (the place the sun goes when it sets)

Guide of the dead, protector of mummies and cemeteries, Goth

Funeral school

Horus the Younger is king of the living, and Osiris is king of the dead. That's just the way it is.

Osiris (father), Nephthys (mother), Isis (stepmother). Some myths say Seth was my father instead of Osiris, but he's never been very nice to me.

Horus the Younger (half-brother)

Qebhet (Kebechet), goddess of cool water

The Four Sons of Horus (we're BFFs in the Halls of Judgment)
Horus the Younger
Thoth
All the jackal spirits of the afterlife (Rawr!)
Dead people everywhere

Pretty sure everybody gets along with me. You kind of have to, if you expect to get anywhere once you're dead.

Single. Some myths say I have a wife named Anput, but that's really just my own name written in a female form.

I don't have time for dating. Too many dead people to collect.

Are You Afraid of the Dark? (Bet I could really scare them!) 
Ghost Hunters (I wonder what they'd think of the Duat.) 
House of Anubis (Can't wait to see how it turns out.) 
The Walking Dead (They could ask me for help…) 

"A dying man needs to die, as a sleepy man needs to sleep, and there comes a time when it is wrong, as well as useless, to resist."
– Stewart Alsop

"Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new."
– Steve Jobs

"You never know how much time you'll have."
– Stephenie Meyer

"To the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure."
– J.K. Rowling

The Ancient Egyptian Book of the Dead, translated by R.O. Faulkner (Not only is this my favorite book, it's the test book for your final exam! If you don't pass this one, no afterlife for you.) 
The Anubis Gates by Tim Powers (Look at that great picture of me on the cover!) 
As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner (All the Brundens had to do was ask me to help bury Addie, sheesh.) 
The Call of The Wild by Jack London (Be wild like Buck. You know you can.) 
The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman (All about my favorite hangout.) 
Jackals (Animal Scavengers) by Sandra Markle (Bros for life!)
Murder in the Place of Anubis by Lynda Robinson (How DARE they murder someone in my house?!) 
The Murders in the Rue Morgue by Edgar Allan Poe (I love reading how Dupin finds the killer, no matter how many times I read this.) 
The Tell-Tale Heart by Edgar Allan Poe (Scary stories are the best, and Edgar's one of my favorite dead people.) 
Will Shortz Presents Ferocious Sudoku: 200 Hard Puzzles edited by Will Shortz (Gotta have something to do between funerals….) 

Another One Bites the Dust by Queen (And another one's gone… )  
Anything by The Grateful Dead  
Anything by Snoop Dogg (when my mom's not in the room, anyway…) 
Black Dog by Led Zeppelin (I was rocking long before your parents were listening to this song.) 
Cross Road Blues by Robert Johnson (I like crossroads almost as much as cemeteries: they're places where various worlds interact.) 
Go West by Pet Shop Boys (In ancient Egyptian, to "go west" means to be dead. I get to go West to work every day.) 
It's the End of the World As We Know It (And I feel Fine) by R.E.M. (The dog's a great actor.)  
The Tell-Tale Heart by the Alan Parsons Project (I really like Edgar Allan Poe, and these guys did, too.) 

Beetlejuice (Glad I never had to deal with this guy in the judgment halls.) 
The Corpse Bride (Even after you're dead, you can still fall in love.) 
Ghostbusters (I ain't afraid of no ghost!) 
The Mummy (Don't listen to Osiris. Those warriors are mine. See those jackal heads?) 
The Sixth Sense (I see dead people every day. Big deal.) 
Underworld (Why do vampires hate werewolves so much? I think they're kinda cool.)
Watchmen (I watch the Watchmen. Just like I watch everybody.) 

Black clothing
Cemeteries and funeral homes
Horror novels
Jackals
Maps
Puzzles and mazes
Travel

Anatomy (I really love bones)
Getting to know people (before I help Osiris judge them, of course)
History and genealogy
Paranormal investigation
Snoopy

Ancient Egyptian Gods  
Anubis  
Death gods
House of Anubis  
World Goth Day